Look at it this way...

Lindsay Lohan's 90 day jail sentence could set fire to her biggest lesbian love affair yet! Have you seen Samantha Ronson? Lindsay clearly likes her chicks a little rough.. Watch out cellmates-Lindsay has got to keep busy somehow

When Your Career is Over..

LeAnn Rimes you are a washed up tramp- there I said it. As if it wasn't enough to steal another woman's husband, and abandon her duties as Dean Shermet's beard, LeAnn is currently starring in Whore Tour 2010: Inappropriate PDA. I guess she really needed a new gig? This past holiday weekend, Leann and Eddie were caught in the most disgusting display of poolside affection- Leann practically thrusted on top of Eddie's son just to lock lips with her man. Is this really necessary? In front of the children? Guess your dignity has plummetted with your album sales....

I Love You BUT...

Bethanny Frankel is the cover girl this week for People. The new riveting hook? "My Baby Saved Me". BORING- I'm tired of celebrities being "saved" by normal life processes; "love saved me", "rehab saved me", "marriage saved me." We get it- you all experience life on a greater scale than the rest of us minions. On another note, I had a GREAT idea for my girl Bethanny- she should be added on as a co-host of The View! Move over Elizabeth Hasselback, Bethanny's quick whit and honesty would REALLY stir up the round table-how about it?

SHOCKER

It's splitsville for Vienna and Bachelor Jake. Why? Apparently the two haven't romped in 4 months.... Clearly that wasn't going to work for Vienna, who used the Bachelor to show case her oceanside dry humping. Since announcing the spilt Vienna has still been spotted sporting her diamond sparkling, well when you find out your fiance is gay, I say the ring is for keeps!

Aniston Should Take Note...

Next stop on the "F U Jesse James Tour?" Nashville. Sandra Bullock made a surprise appearance at the Nashville Rising relief concert Tuesday night. The absolutely stunning Sandy even got on a stage to perform a little country tune. Now this is how a true star triumphs after a break up (cough cough Jen Aniston). I think its time Baby Louie has a play date with the Jolie-Pitts...

Wanna Look HOT Like Me?

If anyone is interested in accentuating a nice camel toe, Jessica Simpson is unveiling her new line of denim from the JS Collection. Would we buy a parenting book from Britney Spears? No. Stick to what you're good at Jess-try getting back into those Daisy Dukes.

The World's Most Beautiful Catholic

The spawn of beauty, Benjamin Brady, was Christened yesterday in Santa Monica. As if Tom and Gisele's child needs any more edge over the common folk, he now has God on his side. Sweet Benjamin, Tom Brady's genes will bring you much greater fortunes than holy water.

Another Reason to Hate Miley Cyrus..

The raunchy chipmunk is loose. Apparently she "Can't Be Tamed?" Wonderful.

An Ode to Lindsay..

In honor of Lindsay deciding NOT to pose nude with her SCRAM bracelet for her new 6126 add campaign, I composed a poem in the devices honor..

S is for snorting and Samantha Ronson, the beginning of the end.

C is for cabs...dear god Lindsay take one

R is for reality television, Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew anyone?

A is for addict. Enough said.

M is for Mean Girls, as we will always prefer you as a chubby fire crotch.

Let's Get This Straight..

No human existence, let alone D-List minion, will ever measure up to the super nova creation that is Brangelina. While Brad spent the Father's Day back home with the brood, Queen Angie visited victims of domestic violence in Haiti. It's been almost 2 yrs since the Jolie-Pitts have added to their bunch, and it seems that Haiti seems to be hot on their radar. Maybe Angie was eyeing another little nugget to take home? LOVE IT.

Ride It Reese

Reese Witherspoon looking like hot sex on the set of her new project "Water for Elephants". Our golden girl has a new beau Jim Toth and onscreen love interest Rob Pattinson-GIDDY UP GIRL!

Hey Jen What Ya Hiding Under There?

Jen Garner has been out and about sporting what seems to be the beginnings of a fetus hot pocket. Perhaps Seraphina and Violet will be getting a sibling? Or perhaps dear Jen should stop dressing like a frumpy stump and put baby bump rumors to rest. Stop blending in amongst the commoners in your mom jeans Jen, your not talented enough to dress like you don't care. Here's hoping a third pregnancy keeps you relevant.